Difference between love and attachment


I think, there is no dearth of articles and stories available on the internet or in granny's books, on love. Since our childhood we have grown up hearing and reading stories of prince and princesses falling in love and living happily ever after and of the pressure of 'staying' in a marriage by stigmatizing divorce, separation and live-ins. But, how many of these stories teach us to differentiate between love and attachment? Why is that couples break up within days or even after years of a relationship? What makes them do it? Why is that even after living separately, few relations can stand the test of time, while those living with each other don't even talk to each other?

These are the questions that need to be pondered upon. It is important because people often confuse attachment with love and keep believing that, remaining unhappy and accepting it as their 'fate'. The truth is, a hard truth, that a good human tends to get attached to even the furniture he/she possesses! Then, how can he/she possibly not get 'attached' to a HUMAN living with him/her! 
I can say this with utmost confidence and firmness because I have experienced it, so did my boyfriend, in different ways, time and circumstances though! But all that you are going to read now is one chapter of my and my boyfriend's  spiritual life.
Let me brief you about my life a little before that. I have a history of an abusive father and separated parents. Because of that I always had the fear of being treated the same way by my partner as was my mother by my father. Yet, my intuition assured me that nothing of this sort would ever happen to me, I am 'special'.

Starting with the story, I got into my first ever serious relationship when I was 22 years old and had just started pursuing masters. This person had been expressing his feelings since we both were 16 years old and despite of not having any love interest in him, finally, I thought, "let's give him a chance, I am sure, his love will make me fall in love with him too.", believing in the famous phrase, 'marry the person who loves you, not the person whom you love'. What wrong I did here was not that I gave his love for me a chance, but that I 'thought' before I got into this relationship. I thought, he earns well, belongs to a very respectable family, looks good, has a huge house, and that he loves me. Never was 'my' love for him anywhere in the scene, and, THIS was my mistake.

Rewinding a little, before this relationship was anywhere in the picture, I was at home for one entire year, jobless and in a state of depression, literally house-arresting myself, preparing for masters' entrance exams. During that time, don't know how, but I and my boyfriend, who were in the same coaching institute, who never once, spoke with each other in the classroom, got close to each other in no time at all. During that time, even he was going through the same feelings as I was, and probably, that's why we could understand each other so well. You must be thinking, "What's the big deal? Even friends share things with each other and feel better!" the big deal here is that we started talking to each other so frequently, that we both started loving each other. something clicked between us, a connection, a weird and beautiful connection. We both became a source of happiness for each other. For me, talking to him was therapeutic! One night, he confessed his feelings for me and something inside me told me, "you too are in love with him." but I immediately banished even the thought of it because I 'thought' low of him in all materialistic aspects. Then, came the time to choose between my 'love' (which I hadn't realized by that time) and the person who loved me and I chose being loved than loving someone.

Turning a few pages of this chapter, let me tell you what happened to me during those 2 years of relationship. I gave my BEST in 'TRYING' to love my boyfriend. I 'TRIED' thinking of my married life with him. I 'TRIED' to keep him happy just as he did. The only difference was that his love and efforts to keep me happy came naturally, whereas, I had to put in efforts to 'try' to love him and keep him happy! All those two years I was lying to myself and doing injustice to three people- my bf, my love, and myself! We all deserved happiness and love. whatever emotional side of mine my bf saw, was a result of reciprocation to his actions. All this while, my intuition kept telling me to abandon the relation and requite my love but I kept on killing my intuition because I was THINKING MORE THAN I WAS FEELING. I always let my brain overpower my heart and that's where I went wrong. I started questioning myself, "why is that that I am not happy despite of his (my bf's) love for me and his beautiful gestures and actions to keep me happy. How can I break-up with such a nice person?" ,"How can I break his heart, I don't have the heart to do that.", "How can I be happy?" I felt I was in a cage. My intuition kept nagging me to end the relation, and that too soon. And I finally broke up with him! I knew for a fact that it would hurt me and almost kill him from inside, but this had to be done! I just KNEW that he is not the one I am to spend my life with! There was something inside me that was not letting me love him despite of my desperate efforts to love him back. It was nothing but my intuition telling me that there is someone else still waiting for me

Talking about my boyfriend, while he was in high school, the school's most intelligent girl expressed her feelings for him and just like I wasn't being able to gather the courage to break up with my bf, he too couldn't say 'no' to her and agreed to enter into a relationship with her despite of having no such feelings for her. Unlike me, he was wise enough to listen to his heart and end the relation within a week. He never entered into any relationship thereafter. But I wasn't that wise and that's why it took me TWO YEARS to realize my love for him!

Lessons learnt:
1. Love can never be taught. It is just a feeling. it just HAPPENS!
2. Never let your brain interfere in matters of love. Listen to the suggestions that your brain and heart give, but always give priority to your heart.
3. Marry for love, not for the sake of emotional security like many people do. If you don't find love, then, don't get married. Living single doesn't mean unhappiness as most people think. 
4. In the two years of my relationship with my ex, I realized that I was getting more and more 'attached' to him as time passed and it is because of this reason that I wasn't able to break up with him.
5. Love cannot be forced upon on anyone. Love cannot be caged. True love is a feeling so pure that even if your heart dies a million deaths, the love in your heart will never perish!
6. If love is two sided, not one-sided, it will always survive the test of time. 'Attachment' will not.
7. I compare attachment to love like so: Attachment is like a thin thread that two people keep holding from both ends, which is strong enough to bear only some minor weight and hence, will eventually either break or will slip from the grip of at least one person. On the other hand, Love is like an unseen, unheard, untold bond, that can just be felt and can never ever die! In simple words, when people say, I am over her/him, they mean, their 'attachment' with the other person has died. When people are in love, and for a zillion factors, even if they are not together, their feelings, if don't intensify, they don't change as well.
8. Love unconditionally and without any expectations.
9. Freedom is the most precious gift one person's love can give to the other person.
10. Lastly, and most importantly, always listen to your intuition because intuition is never wrong. What goes wrong is our 'interpretation' of what our intuition is trying to tell us.


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